What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
