I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
