i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
