420 ftw
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
40s are totally the cure
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
