Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
