I'm going to jail i love you
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
