Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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