I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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