I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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