That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
