Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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