we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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