My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
