I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Randomize
