She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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