AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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