He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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