dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
