i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize