she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
