K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
