Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
