Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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