if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
id be glad to
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
