I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
