He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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