Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
