this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
