DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We left the knife in your bed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
