Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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