Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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