Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
