I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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