yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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