I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
