I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
