I love black thongs
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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