tell your sister to shave her snatch
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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