i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
