Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
