wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
