Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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