Screwed.edu
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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