i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
