Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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