Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm jealous of your bromance
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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