i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
