You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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