the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
