Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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