So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
