I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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