You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
