He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
