He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
