You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
