Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
