i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
