well I can't set my house on fire every night
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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