i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize