fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
