Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
