We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize