take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
