I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
