Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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