His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
