i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
