He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
