Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
