I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
