it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
