I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone came in the potted fern
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
