i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize