dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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