Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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