He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
