guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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