When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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