Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
