I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
