Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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