you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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